


it takes a lot of love (to hate you like this)

by Isolatedwriting



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, F/F, Fluff, because we love that, i just binged this whole series so we're semi shooting in the dark, its purely self serving i'm sorry, set midway through S4ish, she ra if catra didnt get a redemption arc, yeah its a soulmate au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:49:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26970145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isolatedwriting/pseuds/Isolatedwriting
Summary: “So, what do you think?”“Of what?” Adora shouts back, though she’s sure Catra has no trouble hearing her. The air feels hot and constricting, and Adora can’t help but feel like something is off; wrong, in the way Catra stares at her. Having been on the receiving end of those eyes her whole life, Adora feels a chill go down her spine now.“Of my name on your wrist. Obviously.”OR;Playing around with the sword, Adora accidentally reveals the names hidden on everyone's skin. The name's of lives woven together, written across the body, for everyone to see. This should be a good thing, but, naturally, nothing is ever so easy for Adora
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 218





	it takes a lot of love (to hate you like this)

**Author's Note:**

> I watched this entire show last week, and I've been trying to not write but here we are! This is my first catradora, and this isn't really like what I usually write, but I hope its decent!

It all happens faster than Adora can comprehend it.

There is a flash of light, the sky reflecting against her sword, and she’s not She-ra, but she feels her, so close to breaking to the surface that it almost winds her. She stumbles, and the light (brilliant, blinding, and beautiful) shoots towards the sky, before separating, off in all directions.

Glimmer and Bow are there, and rush to her side, but she waves them off. It’s nothing.

It’s nothing until she wakes the next morning, her hands wrapped around a pillow - so tight her knuckles ache - and Catra’s name is emblazed harshly against her skin.

She didn’t feel anything in the night. Some of the castle’s many inhabitants who had been awake through the darker hours would later claim that there was a sting. Like a scratch. It didn’t make a difference if it did or didn’t though, because Adora slept through it, and woke to one of the more confusing days since she left the Horde.

Usually someone else had some answers when Adora had questions, but this was different. This was unprecedented.

And naturally, she’s late to the party.

“Adora!” Glimmer’s voice echoes down to her, moments before the doors burst open. Adora, still staring down at her wrist, barely hears her. Glimmer pauses for a moment, confused by her lack of reaction, before Bow comes crashing in behind her, and the commotion finally gets Adora’s attention, just as Glimmer turns on her friend.

“Bow! You need to be more aware of the space it takes to stop running before you do some actual damage.” She holds up her own wrist, too quick for Adora to see. Her eyes are still hazy from sleep anyway. “Especially if this actually means anything.”

“What’s going on?” Adora breathes. Its shaky, and she forces herself not to look at the letters again. They seem to sparkle a little, like Adora has never seen before. Even considering everything new she has experienced, and everything she knows she has yet to experience, she knows then that nothing else looked like this. “What’s happening right now?”

By the time she repeats her question, she has already begun to take stock. Blow and Glimmer are standing awkwardly in the doorway, like they don’t know if its okay to interrupt her train of thought (slow as it may be), and Adora is suddenly choked by her own confusion, and the questions surging through her strike her as painfully.

“Do you guys... a name- do you have a-”

“Yes.”

Adora finally meets Glimmer’s steady gaze as she speaks. There’s been something new in her eyes lately, like maybe she’s grown up since they met. It’s comforting.

“What does it mean?” Adora sits up in bed, and the others understand that she is inviting them in, shutting the door behind them for privacy. “What do we know?”

“Only that everyone has one.” Bow is quick to answer. “And look,” He pulls Glimmer’s arm up to stand alongside his. “We match!” Adora feels a rush of something she can’t fully comprehend. She’s still not a master as far as feelings go, but she knows she doesn’t like this one, and pushes it aside.

“What time is it?” Adora asks, worried about how much she’s missed, and they give her the basic rundown. Maybe she shouldn’t have trained so hard, or maybe it was whatever happened with the sword that made her sleep so long, but either way she’s kinda glad she missed the talking part.

They fall silent for a moment. Her friends are perceptive and they know when something is off, but its clear they’re struggling with her reactions. Adora is sure Glimmer is buzzing with curiosity, she can almost feel it through the distance.

“Everyone thinks its a good thing.” Glimmer mentions, when Adora hasn’t replied for a few beats too long. “Someone who’s meant to be in your life.” She blushes a little, and under any other circumstance, Adora might have teased her, but not now. Her skin itches, stress blooming in her gut, like she had forgotten something so important, but couldn’t even remember what it was.

Adora doesn’t know what to say.

“I think I did this.” She says, and Glimmer sits down on the bed beside her, Bow quick on her heels once again to dive up alongside her. Adora feels a surge of warmth for them, and leans into the comfort.

Its quick to sour in her chest again, as she adjusts to keep that name out of Glimmer’s sight. Bow pulls himself up the bed, until he’s almost behind her, to crush her up in a hug she didn’t know she needed.

“If this was something you did, then it has to be a good thing. Its like another layer of magic!” Adora allows herself to bask in her friends, the people she’s known for what is in reality a very short time, but who have become so valued that she can’t imagine being without them. Or looking bad in their eyes.

Instead, she musters up a smile. “That’s cool, I guess, but kind of blowing a massive hole in my theory.” She says. She’s had a few since she woke up. Her head spins itself into a headache just trying to make it come together.

Two sets of intrigued eyes are staring at her, and she finally relents, turning over her wrist.

*

Catra notices as soon as it happens, because she’s still awake.

The sting doesn’t hurt as badly as the stone in the pit of her stomach, and she locks the door, curls up on her bed, and cries for hours. She doesn’t know what it means, and she doesn’t care too. It hurts to look, so she covers it up with long gloves, and eventually falls into fitful sleep, pained with dreams of clear blue eyes, looking up at her.

She calls Double Trouble for information the next morning. They answer after four separate attempts, and by then Catra is frazzled and irritated. It’s not so different compared to her usual demeanour, but they clock it straight away.

“Someone’s having a rough morning.” They let pieces of their own face leak through the Flutterina disguise, and Catra knows they’re doing it just to hit her with the full immense of their smirk; to piss her off.

“What’s going on?” She demands, instead of getting distracted. “What do they think it is?”

“What do you think it is, kitten?”

Catra sees their eyes dart to her arm, to check her for a name, but its covered up, and they scoff when they notice.

“Well, they think its soulmates.” Double Trouble is excited, watching the way Catra starts at the information. Her tail thrashes wildly in the background, and it really is the best entertainment they could ask for, circumstances considered. “Adora agrees, of its any consolation.”

“Why is that a consolation?” Catra demands, on the attack at the sound of the name. She tries to keep her temper in check, she’s trying so hard not to blow up, but her heart is thundering in her chest. 

“I know what name is on her wrist, don’t play with me.” Double Trouble drawls out their words, clearly having fun. Their eyes are sincere though, and Catra wishes she could just hang up on them, but it really wouldn’t help. That’s the problem with spies. You need to talk to them.

Instead, she grits her teeth and grinds her claws across the back of the device in her hands. Double Trouble either doesn’t notice, or doesn’t care. “Tell me all about it, lovergirl.” They sound sarcastic, but for a moment, Catra wanted it. Wanted nothing more than to try and articulate the way her head felt light when she was alone, about how both validated and terrified she was, but it refuses to come, and eventually, she hangs up instead.

*

The next time they see each other, its across a battlefield. Not surprising, but Adora feels an extra dread of nerves when she notices Catra’s shape through the smoke and debris.

She’s always known where to look to find her, but its different this time.

Catra stalks towards her. They have a plan, because of course they do, and Adora quickly dodges out of the fray. She needs space from the fight and her friends have this covered. Besides, she knows Catra well enough to know that she will want to talk.

“Hey, Adora.”

She feels the name on skin tingle at the sound of Catra’s voice, prepared as she is to hear it. Catra doesn’t give her time to react or say a word, because she’s darting towards her with claws outstretched. Adora is quick, blocking the attack with the flat of her sword, ane the momentum brings Catra’s face so close to her own that she sees – for just a moment – the way the fury in Catra’s eyes burns hotter than any of the destruction around them.

Adora pushes against her, and Catra is sent a few metres back. They circle each other.

“So, what do you think?”

“Of what?” Adora shouts back, though she’s sure Catra has no trouble hearing her. The air feels hot and constricting, and Adora can’t help but feel like something is off; wrong, in the way Catra stares at her. Having been on the receiving end of those eyes her whole life, Adora feels a chill go down her spine now.

“Of my name on your wrist. Obviously.” Catra barks back. Adora’s always been glad that her old friend wore her anger on her sleeve, because she walked into this fight hoping for... well, the Catra she used to know. For her to be the person she used to be when Adora would wake from a nightmare, and Catra’s glowing eyes would stare up at her from the foot of the bed, and all she would have to do is open her arms and-

It isn’t to be, at least not this time. Catra laughs under her breath, like she knows something Adora doesn’t, but Adora knows her well enough to know its an act.

She’s leading her into an ambush. Adora hopes the guilt doesn’t show on her face.

Catra darts forward, swiping at her face, and Adora dodges it like a dance. She’s done it so many times, from play fighting to training to now, she’s always succeeded in keeping Catra out of trouble, one way or another.

“Do you not want to fight me, now that you’ve tied us together?” Catra taunts her, and as much as Adora wants to keep the upper hand, its difficult not to defend herself.

“Why does no one believe that it was an accident?” Catra keeps her distance, but keeps them both moving. Adora just needs to let her.

Catra’s eyes roll. “That would be too convenient.”

“What the hell does that mean?” Adora keeps her voice steady. If this works she’ll have all the time in the world, but Catra’s name burns the closer she gets and she wants nothing more than to touch her, just to see if something would happen. She’d never asked if anything happens.

“Nothing really. I just think that its convenient that, once you’ve tried everything else, you’re really willing to bend the universe just to _mess_ with me.” She chuckles as she speaks, struggling to even get the words out it seems, but her eyes never leave Adora’s face. “It just seems like overkill to me.”

There’s an instant reaction. Adora groans, dropping her defences for a moment. “I wouldn’t do that.”

“Wouldn’t you?”

“Why would I?” Adora shouts, and if the fighting has stopped, and the others are trying to give them space, then neither of them notice. “Catra, I just want to talk about this!”

“All we ever do is talk.” Catra is almost hissing, her hair standing on end at the nape of her neck, her ears flat against her head. “Why are things different now?”

“You know why.”

With that, Adora gives in. She throws her sword to the ground, in a move that surprises even Catra, who thought she knew all of Adora’s last chance moves. She pauses for a moment, and Adora follows. Without that constant, its harder to ignore how easy it is to block out the noise.

“Catra...” Adora’s voice is soft, barely audible, and Catra closes her eyes, trying to ignore it.

“I can’t leave you behind.”

“You already left me! I don’t care that you regret it!” Catra spits. Her claws are long, extended and lethal, and Adora feels a rush of panic.

“It’s not like that!” She shouts. The battle has long since ended, with only Catra standing on the Horde’s side, but none of the others interject. Catra just laughs at her, and its manic. It makes Adora feel sick.

“Really? You actually believe the universe wants us on the same side? That’s rich.” Catra’s sharp, little teeth glint in the light, and Adora has to force herself not to take a step back from her. Catra had been advancing as she spoke, but Adora was only now starting to feel like maybe she wasn’t able to finish this fight.

“Catra!” Adora is tired of this, and her fingers itch to reach out, to grab Catra around the waist and hold her, until she stops fighting it and gives in. She can’t do that, because Catra would probably try to kill her if she did, but that doesn’t stop her head from spinning with the idea. Catra whines, like she can feel it too. “Please just listen to me!”

“Please, I know you did this just to get back at me!” Catra speaks with a voice Adora doesn’t know, one of paranoia and panic and fear, and she knows she’s made the right choice.

Catra growls, a deep sound in her chest and interrupts Adora before she can even get her thoughts straight. “I know you’re getting desperate, Adora, but this is sad.”

Adora ignores the way Catra’s eyes light up, noticing the hurt in her own, just as her trap springs.

*

Catra doesn’t talk much. Adora isn’t exactly surprised by it.

The prison they set her up in is cushy (as much for Adora as it is for Catra herself), but secure, and Catra spends her days in bed, faced away from whoever came to visit her. Usually, this meant Adora.

Adora, who by this time had resigned herself to spending the majority of her days sitting outside Catra’s cell, would then ramble about anything and everything (that Glimmer deemed okay), until she went hoarse. Catra didn’t speak.

When Adora tells her that Scorpia has joined them, that she’s settled in and wants to see her, Catra ignores her. When the Horde falls, again there is nothing.

Adora doesn’t know what she can do to get her attention anymore.

“I’m sorry I had to catnap you.” She ventures one day, and Catra rolls her eyes. It shouldn’t mean anything, but its good humoured, and the best reaction she’s gotten in a while.

Still, it’s slow going, and Adora isn’t a very patient person.

There’s an exhausted air to it by the time she finally breaches the real subject with her.

“There’s a wedding today.” Adora has brought food down today, mostly for herself but with the hope Catra might share with her. “The couple has been together for years, but after the name thing, they’re going for it. It’s cute.” She stutters. “Its meant to be a really big deal.”

Catra sighs. Its dramatic and drawn out and meant to rile her up, but Adora barely even feels the sting of it anymore. “I don’t know if I mentioned them before,” – she hasn’t – “but weddings are these huge parties, like the prom, where everyone dresses up and its this huge celebration of love... I’m really excited to see it. Its the first ‘officially nothing to do with a war’ party.” Catra just keeps watching her, with barely a flick of her ear to indicate she’s listening. Adora barrels on anyway, because that’s how these conversations with Catra go.

“The Horde is gone, Catra.” She watches as the words have impact, and she’s faced with Catra’s back again. She powers on. “You don’t need to stay down here.”

“Then why are they here?”

She’s referring to the guards, who eye Adora for a moment, before taking their leave. She knows they won’t go far, but it’s a kind gesture, but Adora can practically feel Catra rolling her eyes, even though she can’t see it.

She seems tired, even though Adora hasn’t seen her move in weeks. Her voice is scratchy and drained and so unlike her that Adora wants to reach out and comfort her, but fears too much for her hand.

“Because you want to be.”

She leaves when Catra doesn’t say anything else.

*

“Did I make a mistake?”

“What do you mean?” Bow sounds concerned, but tired. She’s sleeping over with the rest of the best friend squad, and while Glimmer snores softly in the background, she feels a stab of worry.

“This whole name thing… are you sure it’s a good thing?”

Bow is quiet for a moment, thinking, and Adora wishes she could see him through the dark, but he doesn’t leave her waiting long.

“I can’t see any world where knowing there’s someone there for you, a person who was made for you, can be a bad thing.” He says, a defiant edge to his voice that is almost frightening in its certainty. “That’s what I believe anyway.”

“I wish I could live in your brain.” Adora mutters, and Bow risks a laugh. Glimmer huffs and groans and he hushes himself, but Adora can swear she sees his eyes sparkling.

*

Eventually, Catra is given semi-free rein of the grounds. This is not without a lot of contention.

(“ _She’s my soulmate, Glimmer! I want her around! Besides, what could she possibly do now?”_

_“Um, I don’t know, that’s the point, Adora!”)_

She still has to have a guard around, and she’s scowling the entire time, but its better than before. Adora even convinces Catra’s warden to wait outside whenever they hang out and talk. Because they talk now. A little anyway.

And its awkward.

Bow and Glimmer try to listen to Adora ramble about their small talk, how they would stumble about conversing without ever saying anything, with genuine confusion, but things are changing. Catra gets to know Bright Moon as it gets to know her. As Adora does too.

“Have you talked to Scorpia yet?”

Catra’s tail twitches, and she shakes her head, stealing another of the cakes from the plate sitting between them.

“You should, I know she wants to see you.” Adora says. “She’s been getting along really great with Purfuma, her, ah, her soulmate.” She rubs the back of her neck, hating herself for breaching the topic. Catra looks through narrow eyes, but nods.

“That’s good for her.”

“Yeah, it is. They’re oddly perfect.” Adora shrugs, refusing to give in. She feels the familiar urge, from deep within her, to just reach out and _touch_ and pushes it aside. She’s forgotten what Catra’s fur feels like between her fingers, and she’s starting to worry that they’ll never get back there, when Catra’s voice breaks through the fog.

“I’m trying.”

She looks up, and Catra looks back at her. Its a rare glimpse of something Adora had almost forgotten, and its enough.

“I know.”

“I just have a lot of stuff I’m trying to think though-”

“And I don’t want to rush you!” interrupts Adora, quieting herself only when Catra gives her a look. Silencing her without words.

But Catra eyes soften, and the guilt that Adora usually feels never comes. “I’m glad its you.”

Adora snaps to attention. “What?”

“I mean, if this soulmate thing is really for real... I’m glad its you.” There’s a hint of a blush across Catra’s cheeks, and Adora fights back the urge to tease her. Now isn’t the time.

“Not that I believe in it.” Catra grits her teeth in a smile that’s more sneer than anything. Adora wants to kiss her. The thought isn’t a surprise but it still comes with a shock to the system.

“You’re a jerk.” Adora laughs, letting the taunt roll off her shoulders, and Catra joins in.

*

When Adora brings this up with the squad, they are decidedly less pleased than she is.

“How can you be so okay with this?”

Adora shakes her head.

“How couldn’t I be?”

Glimmer shares a look with Bow. They understand after that.

*

They fall asleep together in Adora’s bed one night.

It’s getting easier every day: talking, and being around each other once again. Knowing they were made for each other. That’s what is on Adora mind when Catra lays sleeping on her shoulder. She never lay beside her in bed, not even as kids, so it feels significant. It buzzes through her like adrenaline, and she’s focusing as hard as she can not to move and jostle her, not to wake her, until she’s barely breathing.

By pure chance, her hand is within reach of Catra’s ears, and she makes a herculean effort to keep her fingers still. She doesn’t want to wake her.

Instead, she thinks about what they had talked about earlier, that same day.

( _“I never thought you could want me that way.”_

_“I never thought I could either.” Adora falters. “I mean literally... I never thought that was ever an option.”_

_“I guess we’re similar like that.”_

_“I guess we are.”_ )

Catra shifts slightly in her sleep, and Adora is jolted back to reality, just as Catra pushes her head up, easing Adora’s fingers through her fur at the base of her ear. Adora scratches, instinct, and doesn’t move again, but she can hear the faintest beginnings of a purr, from deep in Catra’s chest.

She drifts off some time after that, but still wakes up before Catra when morning breaks. If Bright Moon thought _she_ was lazy she didn’t know what Catra was.

She’s splayed out on her back, with her soulmate on top of her, and Adora doesn’t know the last time she felt this relaxed. She could almost have drifted off to sleep again, but excitement forces her awake. She can’t miss this again.

With as much as she tries, self restraint has never been her forte, and she presses a kiss to Catra’s forehead, a little stolen moment before she wakes up and they have to brush this off, because that’s what Catra needs. Adora can shoulder the wait for a bit longer.

The mark on her wrist tingles, in a pleasant sort of way, in a way that Adora has gotten used to but still thrills because it means she’s about to see Catra, and she doesn’t know how she used to go so long without her. Its better now though. Than when they were kids.

When she does finally wake up, Catra doesn’t freak out. She stretches and gets up quickly, but it’s a better reaction than Adora expected, and its nice to hear Catra’s morning sounds again.

*

Adora is out one day, on some official Princess duty, when Catra resolves to find Scorpia.

Its not hard. She’s never been a particularly quiet or sneaky, and in Bright Moon, her defences are even lower. Catra finds her immediately in the gardens, and tries to ignore the stab of guilt when Scorpia notices her presence.

“Hey.”

“Catra.” Scorpia’s frown only manages to stay focused and convincing for a moment, before it melts away. Purfuma is by her side, conversing with the flowers, or whatever it was she did, and Catra fights the shame, but Scorpia opens her arms and scoops her into hug.

“Its been too long, kitty!”

They’re gifted a moment alone, and Scorpia sits them down on one of the stone benches, and they talk. Catra still can’t say she’s great at it, but Scorpia has always made it easy on her, as much as she can.

“How did you do it?” She asks, when the day is drawing to a close and she knows Adora will come looking for her soon. She needs to know.

Scorpia looks confused for a second, but Catra watches her eye dart off to the Princess whose name is on her claw, in dainty writing that looks nothing like Catra’s, and she seems to understand.

“You have to work for it.” She says. “Every day.”

“That sounds hard.” Scorpia laughs at her, but for once it doesn’t feel bad.

“It is, at first. But then it gets easier.”

And that makes sense, feels so doable and attainable that Catra finds herself laying awake that night, unable to sleep, just considering it.

*

It takes another few weeks before anything happens between them, and when it does, neither can decide which one was the initiator. In a way, it does not matter which one of them closed the gap and pushed them over the edge, as they both understood.

Still, it comes as a shock to the system.

Adora didn’t know what to expect, when it came to kissing her soulmate. She didn’t exactly have a lot of experience, with only the stories Glimmer would tell her of legends and stories left down through time to influence what it might feel like. A ‘True Loves kiss’ scenario. None of it comes close to the real thing.

Finally kissing Catra comes at a moment Adora hasn’t planned. They are allowed to wander the lands alone now, through forests and across fields, and Adora wanted to show her just how beautiful the world could be, wanted to share the place she had gotten to inhabit while Catra stayed behind.

“Its crazy, that no one built all this.”

Adora watches her, taking in the sigh of the rolling hills. A community has made a home in the grassy mounds since last time Adora visited, carving out the earth to put in doors and windows and hang up washing lines. Its alive with movement, and the two keep their distance, keeping to themselves to maintain the privacy they have built together.

Catra turns to look at her when Adora doesn’t answer fast enough, and that’s when it happens. Like time slips away, they are kissing before either of them even notice they are inching closer together. And its like fire.

Adora’s hand winds up to hold the back of Catra’s head, to hold her in place and deepen the kiss, in a move she didn’t understand and had never preformed, but the gasp in the back of Catra’s throat is delicious, so she knows she’s doing it right. Adora doesn’t know how she had gone her whole life without this.

Catra’s hands rest carefully on her hips, like she’s holding herself still with everything in her. Her hands shake with the effort.

“You don’t need to be so careful.” Adora whispers. It’s so quiet, Catra’s ears strain to hear it. “You can touch me.”

“I’m trying.” Her hands flex and clench hard, but it doesn’t hurt.

Adora can’t hold it back anymore, and connects their lips in another kiss, a quick and soft moment, as relieving as sunlight on skin. “I can’t believe I never kissed you.”

Catra breaks away for a moment, levelling her with a stare, before her smile breaks through the confusion. “You did.”

“What?”

“It’s okay that you don’t remember. We were tiny.”

Catra spins her a tale, of being a child in a place far too big for them, of clinging to each other in the corner of an unused room, where a weird moment of childhood curiosity had led Adora to kiss her in the middle of a tussle, when Catra was too close to pinning her down for once.

“I think you just wanted to win.” Catra says, with a laugh and a squeak from the back of her throat, when Adora fails to join in this time.

The day is quickly drawing to a close, and they need to start heading back towards the castle soon, but Adora can’t bear it. She could hang around, doing nothing with Catra for the rest of her life. She supposes that makes sense.

“I wish I had known then.” Adora murmurs. “Things could have been so different.”

Catra shakes her head. “No.” She says. “Because that wouldn’t be you, dummy.” She’s right of course, but it’s a difficult dream to give up so simply. Catra kisses her again, and Adora feels the fantasy slip between her fingers. Catra keeps her close, and its enough.

Eventually they will turn around and head back, to be berated by Glimmer for disappearing all day, and to eat as much as they physically could before falling asleep in Adora’s bed until midday tomorrow. For now, its satisfying to watch the sun disappear, colouring the world purple, and another end to another day.

Adora can’t wait for the next one.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! Please leave a comment if you want to, and I might write more if the inspiration hits me. Sorry if anything feels off, I'm still getting used to writing these guys!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you're all safe and well goodnight


End file.
